In many (sub)cultures it is quite common that people love their neighbors as themselves, provided that they are like themselves; that is, speak the same language, dialect or sociolect, belong to the same ethnic group and social class and adhere to the same religion (or irreligious ideology). Chances become much smaller that the same people love their neighbors if they have moved in from another area, belong to a different race, speak a different language or adhere to another religion (when they are members of a sect, for instance) or to no religion at all. Altho they may now not love them, they may still tolerate them. Chances become much smaller that they will even tolerate their neighbors if they are not willing to sing the (exclusivist) national anthem, if they do not style themselves or others on the basis of ancestry, if their household is not the usual household reflecting the traditional, fixed concepts of sexual role differentiation, or if they bring their children up in a way that they are believed to 'spoil' the other children in the neighborhood. If these people would be asked whether they are against tolerance, they might be surprised by the question, because who would ever suggest this. Yet, these same people could not tolerate, let alone 'love', that sort of people as are now moving into their area, especially when they are not 'even' house-dwellers but caravan-dwellers or nomads. Maybe they could stand one or two of these families or 'even' nonfamilies, but more would follow, and the neighborhood would lose its good reputation, they believe.

It comes as no surprise that in a climate of tolerance unequal treatment remains the rule, since tolerance refers to a one-sided relationship in which one party (the one which tolerates) agrees that it is willing to put up with the other party (the one tolerated). When the tolerating party represents the majority, this implies that it is willing to allow deviations to a certain extent, but it does certainly not imply that these deviations are treated as equal. Both intolerance and the ideal of tolerance as a peaceful coexistence of unequal parties are manifestations of one and the same attitude which only differ in the degree of exclusiveness and the manner of exclusion.